Burnout – The Horseman of Enlightenment

When we think of ‘burnout’, we often associate it with over-working & over-extending our physical capacities to the point of physical exhaustion. Burnout however is more often a result of over-giving of our energy, not the positive kind of giving associated with generosity & kindness towards others in need, but a lack of dedication to ourselves in maintaining healthy boundaries; to understand where our kind, generous energy truly deserves to be extended & to whom & where it doesn’t.

If you jump on a plane on any budget or high-end carrier, from any city in the world, one of the first things you are told is that in the event of an emergency, you must first place the oxygen mask over your own mouth & nose, before assisting an infant, or anyone else on the plane, with theirs. How sensible, right? This makes complete & perfect sense, and so of course, we would comply.

But what of our own time & energy? The light within that we give, share & sacrifice in order to be diligent & dedicated employees, caring & empathetic friends, nurturing & supportive parents, loving & patient partners, accommodating & forgiving human beings? Are we dedicated to providing light to ourselves, or to maintaining this light, prior to assisting & giving & sharing of light to others?

Or do we give. And give. And give.
And continue to give & give & give.
Until our own light dwindles & we find ourselves in fading light.

Perhaps if we stop & rest awhile, to put in place healthy boundaries in order to maintain our own energy & to preserve what’s left of our own diminishing light. Perhaps stop giving of ourselves quite so much. Quit being there for everyone else, quite so much.

Stop going above & beyond. Stop answering every call, every message, every group chat.
Stop listening to people’s problems on repeat, month after month, year after year. Stop making time for friends that drain our energy. Stop putting work above our own wellness routine. Stop accepting apologies for repeated poor behaviour. Stop saying ‘it’s ok’ when it’s not. Stop being a shoulder to cry on when you’re given cold shoulders in return. Stop being nice & then nice & then nicer & nicest. Learn to say no, full stop.

No, I’m not able to.
No, I’m unavailable.
No, I’m not able to assist.
Thank you, but no.
That’s a lovely thought, but no.
Unfortunately, I must decline.
Not this time, but thanks.
I’m no longer able to assist you.
Thanks, but no.
No, thank you.
No, thanks.
No.

Instead, we continue to give & give & give. And the takers continue to take & take & take. Until we find ourselves in the darkness. The light is gone. We have no more to give. We shut down. Withdraw. Disconnect.

Burnout can look like fatigue, apathy, social withdrawal, mood changes, dissociation, lack of interest in usual activities. It can look like frequent colds & flu, irritability, depression & anxiety, emotional fatigue, hopelessness. Burnout can affect appetite & can make it difficult to fall asleep at night. Long-term burnout & stress can affect your immune system & lead to the development of serious health conditions.

To the individual, burnout feels like the light has gone from within & feels as if it may never return.

The thing about burnout is that sitting alone in the dark awhile can often be quite enlightening, illuminating, if you will.

It shines a light on who noticed when you went quiet.
Who reached out to ask if you were ok. And who didn't.
Who brought the light when you sat in the dark alone. And who didn't.

Who knew the darkness could be quite so enlightening, right?. Now you know where your boundaries should have been placed, all along.

The thing about boundaries is that some people benefit from you not having any. And once you do put those healthy boundaries in place, some people may go into attack mode & some may simply disappear from your life altogether.

The thing about you is that you are a human being. Not a human doing.
It’s important to assess your priorities & slow down, just ‘be’ awhile.
Be in self-care mode, in peaceful contemplative moments, in joyful activity, in restful quietness, in afternoon naps on the couch & in wellness routines.

All within the fortitude of your newly formed, healthy boundaries of ‘no’, ‘no thanks’ & ‘no thank you’.

Dee

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